The first hours after a death can feel like a blur. Shock, grief, and a sudden list of decisions all arrive at once. The good news is that very little has to happen immediately, and you don't have to do it alone.
This chapter walks you through what needs to happen first, what can wait, and how to choose and work with a funeral home.
Step 1: Get An Official Pronouncement Of Death
A death must be legally pronounced before your loved one can be moved.
In a hospital or care facility: Staff will handle the pronouncement and guide you on next steps.
At home under hospice care: Call the hospice nurse, not 911. The nurse will come to confirm the death and help with next steps.
At home without hospice, or unexpectedly: Call 911. Emergency responders will come, and in some cases the medical examiner may become involved.
If the death was sudden or unexplained, the medical examiner may need to review it before the funeral home can take your loved one into its care. This can add some time, and that's normal.
Step 2: Take A Moment
Unless the situation requires urgent action, you usually don't need to rush. If you're at home, it's okay to sit with your loved one, say goodbye, pray, or gather family who want to be present. Take the time you need.
Step 3: Contact A Funeral Home
When you're ready, call the funeral home. If your loved one made pre-need arrangements, call that funeral home and have the contract handy.
The funeral home will:
Transport your loved one into its care, at any hour
Schedule a meeting with you to make arrangements
Help file the death certificate and obtain the necessary permits
Guide you through the decisions ahead
If no funeral home was chosen ahead of time, you can compare Utah providers listed at utahlovedones.com. It's perfectly acceptable to call more than one funeral home and ask for prices before deciding. Under the federal Funeral Rule, funeral homes must share prices over the phone and provide an itemized price list in person.
Step 4: Notify Close Family And Friends
Start with the people closest to your loved one. Then ask one or two people to help spread the word to the wider circle, so you aren't making dozens of calls.
Tips:
Make the most important calls personally, before news appears on social media.
Ask family to hold off posting online until close relatives have been told.
Keep a simple list of who has been notified.
Step 5: Secure The Home And Care For Dependents
Lock the home and secure valuables, keys, and vehicles.
Make sure pets are fed and cared for.
Arrange care for any children or dependent adults who relied on your loved one.
Throw out perishable food and pause any deliveries if needed.
Step 6: Look For Important Papers
Try to locate:
Written funeral wishes or a pre-need contract
A will or trust, and the name of the executor or trustee
Military discharge papers (DD-214), which may qualify a veteran for burial benefits
Any life insurance policies
If your loved one followed Chapter 3, there may be a "Where Everything Is" sheet that makes this easy.
Preparing For The Arrangement Meeting
The funeral home will usually meet with you within a day or two. Bring:
Your loved one's full legal name, date and place of birth, and Social Security number
Parents' names, including mother's maiden name
Marital status and spouse's name
Education and occupation
Military discharge papers, if applicable
Clothing for your loved one, if there will be a viewing
A recent photo
Any pre-need contract and written wishes
Information about cemetery plots already owned This information is used to complete the death certificate and the obituary.
Consider bringing one or two trusted people with you. Grief makes it hard to absorb details, and a second set of ears helps.
Death Certificates
The funeral home typically files the death certificate and can order certified copies for you. Order more than you think you'll need. Banks, insurance companies, retirement plans, the DMV, and others may each require a certified copy. Many families need somewhere between five and ten, or more for larger estates.
What Can Wait
You do not need to do these things in the first 48 hours:
Paying the deceased's bills or debts
Distributing belongings
Closing bank accounts
Selling property or vehicles
Filing insurance claims (though gathering policy information is helpful)
In fact, the executor or trustee should handle most of these, and acting too quickly can cause problems. Chapters 9 through 11 cover them in detail.
Things To Avoid
Don't feel pressured to make every funeral decision on the spot.
Don't sign anything you don't understand. Ask for time and for details in writing.
Don't give out financial information to unexpected callers. Unfortunately, scammers sometimes target grieving families.
Don't leave the home obviously empty during the funeral; consider asking someone to stay there.
Accepting Help
People will ask, "What can I do?" Have an answer ready:
Make calls to extended family or friends
Bring meals or coordinate a meal schedule
Pick up relatives from the airport
Watch the children or pets
Help gather photos for the service Letting others help is a gift to them, too.