A funeral or memorial service is the first step in healing. It gives family and friends a place to gather, share stories, support one another, and honor a life. Whether it's a formal service in a chapel or a simple gathering in a backyard, the best service is the one that truly reflects the person you love.
This chapter walks you through the types of services, the key decisions, writing an obituary, and personal touches that make a service meaningful.
First, Check For Wishes
Before making decisions, look for any written funeral wishes or a pre-need contract (see Chapter 2). If your loved one shared their preferences, following them can bring great peace and help prevent disagreements among family members.
If there are no written wishes, gather the closest family members and ask: What would they have wanted? What would feel right?
Types Of Services
Visitation or viewing A time, often the evening before or just before the funeral, when friends can pay respects and offer condolences to the family. The casket may be open or closed.
Traditional funeral A service with the body present, usually at a church, chapel, or funeral home, often followed by a procession and a graveside committal.
Memorial service A service without the body present, often held after cremation or burial. It can be scheduled days or weeks later, giving family time to travel and plan.
Graveside service A simpler ceremony held entirely at the cemetery.
Celebration of life A more personal, often less formal gathering focused on stories, photos, music, and the person's passions. It can be held almost anywhere: a park, a home, a favorite restaurant, or an event venue.
Private family service A small gathering for immediate family, sometimes followed by a larger public memorial. You can combine these. Many families hold a private burial followed by a public celebration of life.
Key Decisions
Timing and location
Date and time, allowing for family travel
Church, chapel, funeral home, cemetery, or another venue
Location of any luncheon or reception afterward
People
Who will officiate or conduct the service
Speakers, eulogy givers, and those sharing memories
Musicians or singers
Pallbearers (usually six to eight people) and honorary pallbearers
Program
Opening and closing (prayers, music, or words of welcome)
Life sketch or eulogy
Readings, scriptures, or poems
Music, both live and recorded
Slideshow or video tribute
Details
Clothing for your loved one
Casket or urn selection
Flowers, or memorial donations in lieu of flowers
Printed programs or memorial cards
Guest book
Military honors, if your loved one was a veteran
Faith And Cultural Traditions
Many faiths and cultures have specific customs around timing, preparation, and rituals. In Utah, many families hold services through their church congregation, where local leaders and members often help with the program, music, and a luncheon for the family. Talk with your faith leader early; they can guide you and coordinate with the funeral home.
Whatever your tradition, the funeral director can help make sure customs are respected.
Veterans' Honors
Eligible veterans are entitled to military funeral honors, which typically include the folding and presentation of the U.S. flag and the playing of Taps. Veterans may also be eligible for burial in a national cemetery, a government headstone or marker, and a burial flag. Let the funeral home know if your loved one served and provide the DD-214 discharge papers.
Writing The Obituary
An obituary announces the death, shares service details, and celebrates a life. A simple structure:
1. Announcement: Full name, age, city, and date of passing. 2. Life story: Birth, family, education, career, service, faith, and passions. 3. What made them special: Personality, favorite sayings, the ways they loved people. 4. Family: Those who survive them and those who preceded them in death. 5. Service details: Date, time, and location of viewing and service. 6. Memorial requests: Charities for donations in lieu of flowers.
Tips:
Ask several family members for memories and favorite stories.
Have at least two people proofread names and dates.
Choose a clear, recent photo, or one that captures who they were.
Online obituaries on the funeral home's website are usually free or low cost; newspaper obituaries are often charged by length.
For safety, avoid listing the home address, and consider having someone stay at the home during the service.
Personal Touches
Small details can make a service unforgettable:
A memory table with photos, awards, hobbies, or favorite items
A slideshow set to their favorite music
Inviting guests to write a memory on a card for the family
Wearing their favorite color
Serving their favorite food at the luncheon
Giving guests a small keepsake: seeds to plant, a recipe card, or a bookmark
Livestreaming or recording the service for those who can't attend
Involving Children
Children often benefit from being included in age-appropriate ways:
Explain beforehand what they will see and hear
Let them choose whether to attend the viewing
Give them a role: drawing a picture, placing a flower, or sharing a memory
Have a trusted adult ready to step out with them if needed
A Simple Planning Timeline
Days 1 to 2: Meet with the funeral home; choose the type of service, date, and location; contact the officiant. Days 2 to 3: Write and submit the obituary; choose speakers and music; gather photos. Days 3 to 5: Finalize the program; prepare the slideshow; arrange flowers and luncheon; confirm pallbearers. Day before: Viewing or visitation; review the schedule with key participants. Service day: Arrive early, greet guests, and let others handle the details.
Let It Be Enough
There's no such thing as a perfect funeral. If something doesn't go as planned, it will likely be forgotten. What people remember is the love in the room. Aim for a service that feels true to your loved one, and let that be enough.
To find funeral homes, cemeteries, florists, and other service providers in Utah, visit utahlovedones.com.